So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
