I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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