just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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