oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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