I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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