You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
