She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
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It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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