Yo dont text me then not text me
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
