he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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