One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
