Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
the liver wants what the liver wants
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
