You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
