my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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