just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
