He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
BRING THE BAGELS
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
