i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
