You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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