Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
