2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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