garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I don't think brook has ever known best
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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