11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
