this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
