even my farts smell like vagina
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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