then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
