btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
