Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
