You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
