Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
