you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize