I wish i was in the wii world.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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