goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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