I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
