Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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