I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
