I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Can I color on your dick again?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
