the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
only if we run a train.
done.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
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sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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