In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
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I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
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Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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