You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Sext me about skeletons
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
