Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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