My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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