It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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