Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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