He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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