he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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