come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
