Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
