WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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