I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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