Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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