Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
