lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
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You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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