Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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