and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
