My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
