i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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