lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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