Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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