Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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