Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
