It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
