im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
