Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
