Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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