I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
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