At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
