he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
