I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
